There is no doubt that we all have this undeniable universal urge and an eternal longing for connection that electrifies us beyond the body or mind. This urge to unite is a direct need from the soul. But sometimes our beliefs about sexual relationships actually stop many of us from creating the loving and fulfilling relationship that we deeply long for. One such belief is that of "soul mates".

Working with hundreds of singles over the years, I have seen people's lives transform from one of hopelessness to one of passion and joy, from feeling powerless and depressed to feeling powerful and alive just by changing what they believe about soul mates, about love and about relationships!.

1. Limiting Belief: A soul mate is this magical person wholl someday come along and bring light into our darkness. This person will look into our eyes and we will feel our soul awakening. All the love, all the sexual lust will surge forth from our loins and rise to new levels. Many surprises however await this kind of idealism, most of them unpleasant. In many cases our object of love is transmuted right in front of our very eyes. But because we so desperately want to hold onto our dream of this person, we try to do more and more for the object of our fantasy until we have done all that we can do and can do no more. Then comes the final torment they leave us. And it is like our tender soul has been ripped from our body. We feel devastated, lost, abandoned and betrayed.

A soul mate is a real breathing, talking, walking human being. A soul mate is someone who is open and real, genuine and capable of love (and being loved) on a real everyday level in a real everyday world where people get up and go to work and pay bills. Someone who knows how to show and express their love without manipulation and head games. Someone who is loyal and willing to learn and grow with us behind closed doors. Someone who loves us enough to kick us in the butt when were screwing up. Someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction - we are a better human being just for having them in our life.

2. A soul mate is a missing half of our souls and without this person we are incomplete and destined to experience life as half souls. The danger in believing in the concept of other perfect" half is that we are setting ourselves up for a dose of heavy disillusionment. There is no "perfect" person out there who will fit you perfectly. To imply that a soul mate is a missing half is to propagate the illusion of "the one and only" other "perfect" half who will make us feel complete.

The nature of soul, spirit or love is that it does not have quantifiable, countable parts as matter does. In other words it's not possible to have half a soul. Your soul is your own complete WHOLE looking for another WHOLE with whom to flow freely in love, joy, truth, intimacy and ecstasy and grow and develop in consciousness.

3. Soul mates are born. The belief that soul mates are born propagates a view that being with our soul mate is something we have no control over. This idea of predestination encourages a reactive rather than proactive approach to love and to relationships in general. It promotes the egotistical whim of "entitlement" where those who believe in it think that the universe owes them love, rather than where the quality of love they receive is comparable to that of the love they give. People who believe in this concept go from one lousy relationship to the other, because they don't want to invest the time or effort to learn how to be loving and how to give (and receive) genuine love on a real everyday level.

Only on some unusual occurrence do two people who have an "instant connection" actually maintain a long-term love relationship. Usually this is because these people were fortunate enough to have met someone with whom they could build mutual admiration and respect and a deep, trusting friendship. It would be wonderful if all of us were that fortunate, but that doesn't happen to the vast majority of people in this world. Exciting, passionate, fulfilling and committed long-term love relationships require information to build a solid foundation. And information gathering requires time. It has been proven over and over, effective and frequent communication can improve the balance in shared identity and increase shared awareness. And when we have a conscious intention to love unconditionally and in an unlimited way we are more open to being actually loving, rather than being stuck in a fantasy about love that is going on in our own head.

4. There is only ONE potential soul mate for you in the world. Our "romantic" belief in ONE true love actually stops many of us from experiencing love. The problem with this belief is that it perpetuates the notion that love is in "short supply", so grab it quick and own it.

Love like soul is infinite, but more that that this belief is based on "feeling in love" rather than "be-ing in love". And as we all very well know feelings of love always change - they ebb, flow, fade and can come back, too. We each have more than one soul mate and more than one shot at experiencing a soulful connection. The one with whom you choose to invest your time, effort, commitment and love will become "the" soul mate for you.

5. When you meet your soul mate all your problems will be solved. Many of us have very limited abilities for understanding an intense feeling of connection with someone else, and romantic or idealistic love is the only familiar response to such an extremely unusual situation. And when our real experiences fall short of our romantic dreams we feel compelled to try to control the relationship so that we can stay happy. The problem is that we can not control a relationship or the other person and be happy. We will end up feeling victimized, in pain and hurt.

A soul mate connection is so deep that the other person's personal growth processes and level of love, passion and intensity often mirror your own to some extent. In this manner, you're always equals. If you have an understanding of what you attract into your life, and if you are honest and real with yourself, almost everything they do or say reminds you of someone you know so well, someone who' has always been there with you from the very beginning -YOU!.

6. Soul mate relationships are forever after. If souls grow, we hope they grow together, but sometimes they grow apart. Our relations follow the flow of nature. Some soul mates are there for a lifetime others only for as long as our soul journey needs them. When the teaching and lessons we need from a particular person is complete, the person may disappear from our lives. The bottom line is soul mates make a dramatic and profound impact on each other's life, outlook and inner spirit, even if their time together is brief.

You know you're with a soul mate when you are both doing your soul work... expanding your souls, healing your past wounds and evolving as humans. You never doubt that they are telling the truth or that they will prefer anyone else to you and you feel totally secure and safe in their presence. As your two souls grow together, you feel more and more in love and more at peace within and with each other. Both of you act from your highest intentions and deepest love: intimacy is a given instead of a task accountability and responsibility are freedoms rather than burdens and creativity and humor spills over every aspect of their lives and relationship. It is practical magic!

But until you've spent some time getting to know yourself a bit better first you will never be able to tell who is right for you or recognize a secure and safe connection when you get into one Right now, you may be the only person keeping you from realizing your soul mate dreams!