Moms, at some point you will probably hear "Where's my daddy?" Whether the dad has ever been part of the parental picture or not, his absence is conspicuous. Dads, if you're trying to reconnect with your children, read on to understand what Mom has gone through. Sometimes, Dad is in the house and still absent. That was true in my case. I was more interested in work than family. And my kids took notice. As I wrote in Bad Dad: 10 Keys to Regaining Trust (at http://www.Bad-Dad.com/ez3.htm) my 16-year old son told me, "Work is evil for you." I thought about that for years. Work is evil? Of course, work is not evil. Ignoring my kids in favor of work that was evil! In my case, the answer to "Where's my daddy?" was, "He's working." Whether he's ever been in this house or is just inaccessible, the question will come. Here's some tips for handling that moment. * Be prepared. If Dad is physically absent, the question will come early, around four or five. The child becomes aware that their family seems different from other families. They see dads picking up kids at events and watch the father/child interactions at church, day care and pre-school. * Talk about differences openly. Point to unconventional families. Most have two parents, but others have a mother only, sometimes grandparents raising the kids. Try to make the child feel that his family is just as normal as those. * Never, ever let the child believe that he is the reason that Daddy is not there or involved. * Don't criticize Dad. The older the child, the more you can disclose. But make sure you tell the truth. Don't make Dad out to be a fire-breathing dragon. If he reconnects, your credibility is on the line. And the kids will hold you responsible for any untruths. * Share any information or pictures you have about the missing Dad. Be as open as possible. * If you're struggling with single parenthood, get help. Your child will emulate your struggle. But the good news is that the child will emulate your comfort too. Your confidence as a parent will build confidence in the child. * Let the child express their feelings. Listen and validate their feelings. If you have tips you'd like to share, contact me at the website below. |
